Week 5 - I Can See the Stadium!

Well I got through the Chemo week (Week 4) a lot smoother than first week.  Thank goodness!

Week 5 was fairly unremarkable.  My taste is completely shot, except for seafood, I seem to be able to get sushi (fresh salmon) down - no point in wasting the soy sauce on it though.  I have been a bit queasy all week, so struggling to eat and drink most things.  This has resulted in me loosing a few kilos again.

So from the minute I wake up it's all about meeting my KPIs - 2L of fluid and 5 meals (2 of which I have been using my PEG for).  If I sleep in, because I have been up half the night coughing, then I start well behind the 8-ball.

Coughing.  Yes, as my saliva production is tampered with, I get a build up in the back of my throat which I spend half the night expectorating.  I wanted to go into a whole lot more detail about the complex make-up of saliva etc. but have tried, possibly unsuccessfully, to keep it not too gross.  With regard to saliva, I am actually having a great run with it.  All my health professionals are blown away by how well my mouth is holding up and how well I am still able to 'manage' (not taste or 'stomach' it) food.  I think this has a lot to do with my saliva maintaining its normal viscosity. which I can pretty confidently say is down to the acupuncture (thanks Sean), constant lolly sucking (thanks Sean) and constant bi-carb and salt mouth washes.  Sorry to get a bit detailed about my mouth there, but it is a major component of my treatment side effects, both temporary and possibly long term, so its a big deal to me.

Taste.  I wanted to spend a minute talking about taste, because it is so strange not having it.  I am having this rant, not as a whinge but more trying to share how strange it is and how valuable it is.  So I mentioned I had lost the ability to taste sweet things.  This is pretty much all sweet things.  Anything with sugar in it either is nothing or has a bitter after taste.  I shared an orange with Alison, I watched her savouring each segment of her half, with her eyes half closed in a dreamy state of taste-related bliss.  Meanwhile, I was struggling through my sacks of waxy water, bracing myself for the burst of gross mouth-feel every time I took a bite. Wow! I am also now unable to taste salt.  I tried a yiros the other day and was getting nothing chwing through the delicious smelling lamb - yes I can smell - like it was old piece of chewy. Actually, that sums up most of my eating.  Chewing on a tasteless wad of old chewy, then having to manage it into a bolus and swallow it.  Blaa.  Anyhow, with regard to the yiros, I got the salt out and put a teaspoon on a small mouthful sized area. Nothing!

Things I can taste are some peripheral tastes, seafood, as I mentioned, without the salt, I tasted the peripheral flavours of fried corn (in potato fritters), the cloves and maybe nutmeg in a spicy biscuit and an egg yolk.

I can not wait to have my taste back, in whatever form it comes back.  The reports I am getting indicate that I should get most of the range back, but some things just do not work.  Coffee and red wine are commonly mentioned as not being palatable after treatment - I can live without them.

I will be so appreciative to put food in my mouth, and have my visual and smell-based expectations  met, even if only to some degree.  All I feel like doing is listing foods.  I feel like someone who has been deprived of food for some time, all I want to do is talk about it.  I was already pretty good at savouring my food, over the last few years (I was a bit of a hoover-er in my younger days), but I know I am going to be a very mindful eater in my post-treatment days.  I urge you to savour every mouthful for the rest of the day!

Well I am about to start Week 6.  Chemo in Week 7 will be my last week of treatment.  After that reports are I will take a 2-4 weeks to get over the accumulated affects of the treatment.  I can't feel my tumour at all, but they won't do a scan for three months after treatment finishes.

Either way, the finish line is approaching.  I can't hear the cheering, but up in the distance I can see the stadium. All I want to do is look at that stadium and think about my life as I walk out of it, my mini-marathon complete.  But right now, I need to focus on each step, focus on holding my form, even though I just want to let my head go floppy and my arms flail about, no, two lites of water, five meals, mouth wash four times, suck on a lolly if not eating, flush and clean PEG, RT appointment, exercise, moisturise neck...keep doing my daily tasks correctly, I'll be in that stadium doing my final lap before I know it!