It Is A Toomah!

False Summits!

Last Saturday I finished my treatment! Whoo-hoo! But the view from this false summit was not so great.

To switch analogies..

I've run the last lap a few times now but I keep getting the 'final bell' instead of the chequered flag!

A bit of a misrepresentation. I was clearly advised that once treatment had ended, I would spend 7-10 days getting worse, due to the accumulated effects of the treatments. I sort of waved that off a bit, thinking that the joy of not being treated anymore would override any deterioration. So it's a misrepresentation from me to claim that the finish line is being tampered with, it's not.

I'm in Week 8. It's been five days since I finished my last radiotherapy and ten days since my last chemotherapy. I feel like the chemo is pretty much out of me. I stopped feeling nauseous a few days ago, although I haven't got an appetite, I can now be in the same room as most foods.

The radiotherapy is another thing. Externally my peeling skin has repaired and is now just dry and leathery, but not giving me any pain. Internally is a bit of a different story. I have a line of ulcers running down the right side of my tongue and the back of my throat is also ulcerated. These have been pretty stable the last few days, so I'm hoping it's getting close to the mending cycle. This ulceration issue is exacerbated by my ongoing salivary problem. Compared to the average head and neck cancer patient, I have faired quite well in terms of my saliva, but I still produce a very viscous mucous. Swallowing this is very painful and it also produces a persistent cough, which also creates a lot of pain. This has been keeping me (and Alison) up most nights lately. I am glad to say that last night was a lot better, so hopefully another sign that I am on the mend.

The other thing constantly looming over my head, probably my main raincloud when I stop and think about it, is weight loss. I just can not stabilise it. The solution should be simple, use my PEG tube to get my nutrition. But the stuff you put in gives me reflux if I put it in too quickly and it makes my saliva frothy and gives me a sense of throat swelling. I really don't like it. If I put it in slow enough it's not so bad, but I really have to dedicate the whole day to feeding if I'm going to get my calories that way. I have tried eating through the nausea..bwa bwaooow, I vomited about 4 hours of feeding up in a matter of seconds. I'm really counting on getting my calories from normal eating in the next couple of days because I am fast approaching 65kg. Today I ate breakfast, baked beans and an egg, and lunch, beef pho and am planning on eating dinner. Hopefully I tally up enough calories for the day in that lot, I'm sure my digestive system will appreciate some normal food coming through the system.

With all my health professionals panicking about my weight loss, I have found solace in the www.heartfoundation.org.au website BMI calculator. I put in all this complex data (height and weight) and it gives me a reassuring tick of approval. I was in fact only a kilo or two from being overweight pre-cancer and now I can still afford to lose a few kilos..phew pressure is off - thank you BMI.

Going back a bit, Week 6 and Week 7 were actually just really tedious. Going through the daily routine over and over again, one foot in front of the other, being knackered at the end of the day despite feeling like you'd 'dun nought'. I think that's why I hadn't blogged, I really didn't want to be too negative nor did I want to be seeking out positives and making a big deal of them when the reality was I just wasn't feeling positive. I was coping, and having a laugh when I could, but basically, I was friggin' over it. Of course it was always easy enough to find the person doing it tougher than I was, and that change of mindset from being 'friggin' over it' to being 'friggin' grateful', does really help as long as you arrive at it on your own and in a genuine way.

Week 6 also saw a bit of a highlight, with the Dads & Lads - Worlds Greatest Shave Night. Most people reading this were probably there (thank you) so I don't need to go into too much detail. The night was a great success, thanks to all the support I received. Heads got shaved, kind and inspiring words were spoken - I was particularly blown away by Ned's speech, but it was also great to have Kylie from the Leukaemia Foundation explain how all this money ($11,400) would actually change lives. Personally, the couple of days planning and then actually being at the night, totally took it out of me. I was stuffed for the next couple of days.

So there's a bit of a wrap up of the last few weeks.

Pretty messy and disorganised, and also a bit negative.

In the next few months I guess I am going to get an idea of what changes might be for life, and that's a bit scary.

One foot in front of the other though, get over these ulcers and start eating.