Wearing Sneakers on The Beach

Have just got back from staying at Jodie and Andrew's wonderful house at Middleton.  It's a Spurr family tradition to spend a week down there in the April school holidays.  Always a nice week, if you can string some consecutive days down there.  This year had a bit of a different feel for me and I guess everyone down there.  I was coming off of my tonsillectomy, so hoping to be pretty much up and about for what is usually a very active week.  Ned and Bridget are both enjoying 'surfing', but Ned particularly is trying to push it to the next level.

I was a bit flat for most of the week and feeling a bit nauseous - annoying.  I managed to get out for an 'early morning' (Ha! In the water by 8:30am) surf for two mornings.  It was really nice down there if you beat the wind.  It was so nice getting out the back with Ned and seeing him improve.  I do feel the need to state that I can't surf to save myself - I just enjoy getting out there - Ned has a bit more hope of actually becoming a surfer.

On the last night, I had a crap night.  Ned and I had planned to get up and go out for the last morning, but in the wee hours of that morning I knew I was not going to be up for it.

When I woke him, he still wanted to go out on his own - good lad. We made the familiar walk 6-700m to the beach. Him in his wetsuit, me in my bloody civvies, walking the dog.  It was nice down there.  'Out the back' was achievable for him this morning, but it was nasty enough that he wasn't going to go out there on his own.  I stood there watching him muck around in the shore breaks - having a ball - getting a lot out of the session, practicing 'popping up' and doing what he had done all week, making the best of it, without my usual support.  Watching him out there, I looked back on the Middleton Week 2018, compared to those in the past.  Normally, there is not an hour that goes by, that I am not either doing something active with him and others, or I'm booked in for it after I finish what I'm currently doing - that's how I like it.  I reflected on this week, he'd asked me for the odd kick and the occasional beach session, but always with a tone of 'if you want' and never with the usual persistence and insistence of a puppy wanting you to throw it a ball.  Standing out there on the beach, in my casual clothes, I felt so out of place, and it dawned on me how much my illness had affected the little dude's week, and how much he had made the best of it.  Of course I had affected everyone's week.  They were all changing their expectations and making sacrifices because of me. I really hadn't gone here very often, but my only company was the dog and the wind and noise was picking up, so I let myself go - and fucking lost it for a couple of minutes.

I had let myself wander out of the moment.  Ned nailed a clean 'pop-up' on a little break. Hand by my side, I automatically made a soft fist releasing my pinky and thumb, ready for the 'shaka' that he would be expecting us to share after this little victory.  He fell of the wave as it died out, popped his head out of the white foamy soup, shook off the water and looked my way for a moment, sharing the quick gesture - him asking me 'did you see that, and did you think it as alright.  Me replying, 'yes I did see it' and 'yes you nailed it'.  I'm confident I managed to leave 'wish I was out there with you mate' out of the gesture, but if I didn't leave it out, he didn't see it anyway, he was already racing back out to get his next one.   The heat in my cheeks had gone, my eyes only watery because of the breeze and brightness.  Phew! I was back in the moment.

I didn't love wearing sneakers on the beach.  But there's worse things someone might have to do, and it's not going to be forever.